Do I care or am I calloused??

Oh no it’s time to go to town again, this store, that store, and yet another. Do I have every thing on my list yet? The things I do to save a couple of dollars. Hard pressed, pushing in, let me breath please…. Can I open the door of my car with out climbing over you? No thank you, No thank you, No…., excuse me, pardon me. I hear myself saying these words over and over again.

Street kids on my left, cripples on my right, poor women with their breasts hanging in my face and babies attached to them, in front of me. All of them are crying, AMAFARANGA, AMAMFARANGA(money, money.)
Sorry I say. I can’t get in my car fast enough, this doesn’t help. They just stare at me, tapping on the glass.
Pastor they say, Daddy they cry…Money, Money…. I drive away with a lump in my throat!! The next day, I drive away, and the next, and the next. It is getting easier, or is it?

DO I CARE OR AM I CALLOUSED???

When I first arrived here, I guess you could say that I was moved with compassion. How can you not be?
I gave and I gave money here, food there, water, etc. I thought if I keep this up I am going to need the budget of Bill Gates. I look through God’s word at the many times that it says. “And he was filled with compassion”. Then what did he do? He touched them, healed their sick, taught them, and some times fed them. This is a reality of living here; the poverty is always in your face, pressing you on every side. Some times you wonder if you will ever make a difference or if you at times ever want to leave your house.

I hear Jesus say “you will always have the poor among you”… Then there is that saying, I think it goes like this. “Give a man a fish and feed him for a day, teach him to fish and feed him for a life time”.

Funny how I find comfort in such statements.

So I pray Lord help me to have compassion on those whom I need to have compassion on. Touch those whom I need to touch, teach who needs to be taught, and feed those who need to be fed.

But most of all, Lord let me here your voice and obey.

It’s not that I don’t care and calloused I am not but ministering in a place like this one must be focused.

Let's redefine, shall we...

When you hear the words “Mission” or “missionary” What is it that comes to mind? No No I am not going to answer it, it’s your mind.

According to an online dictonary I found, they describe “mission” as:

1. An organization of missionaries in a foreign land sent to carry on religious work.

2. An operation that is assigned by a higher headquarters; "the planes were on a bombing mission".

3. A task that has been assigned to a person or group; "a confidential mission to London"; "his charge was deliver a message".

4. The organized work of a religious missionary.

5. A group of representatives or delegates.

Their definition of a “missionary” is:

1. Someone who attempts to convert others to a particular doctrine or program.

2. Someone sent on a mission--especially a religious or charitable mission to a foreign country.

Now lets be honest these two little words carry a lot of meaning and with that meaning there is also pictures that come with it. If some one was to ask you, what does being a missionary mean or what does it look like? Depending on your religious background, experience, knowledge, and or upbringing you would have some interesting things to say. I would think.

Let me take you on my findings.

(Please understand that the following is based on my own studies, life, and experience.)

A blast from the past; long, long ago the former missionaries or as I call them the old School, made some mistakes. Mind you, they did their best with what they had. Needless to say they came in where ever they were, very domineering making some big demands and forcing some radical changes upon the people. (Dress like us, talk like us, eat like us, dance like us, worship like us, do & be like us.)

I have been in missions for about eight years, on and off since 1995. I have had the wonderful opportunity to work in and out the church in about nine different nations.

What I found was quit sad, a separation of people (culture) and the church. All the churches I have worked with or along side have been national, no matter what nation I was in. Every where I went, it was. “If you want to be effective here, this is what you need to know” (Dress like us, talk like us, eat like us, dance like us, worship like us, do & be like us.) My thought was oh Lord the roles have been reversed!! Do they really know what they are saying??

Then I take a few steps out of the doors and wow what a difference!!!

Pain, nakedness, fear, trauma, tears, hunger, etc. and they don’t care what I dress like, how I talk, what I eat. They can see I’m different and they except that. Do I except them? I want to bring them to Jesus but my fear is I don’t want them to become one of those, well you know…..

Question: When you’re lost, dieing and alone do you care what JESUS looks like? Do you care how or from whom your help comes from?

In my experience the church does….

Don’t get me wrong, I by no means am a church basher. I love lord with all my heart and adore his Body the church. All I am saying is let’s redefine shall we.

In the begining, there was faith

Over the last few weeks the word (faith) has been in mind. It has actually been in more than my mind, it’s been screaming at me. I got this sudden urge that I was to go and get my journal, and go through it.

What I found was encouraging and I will explain later.

July 20, 2003
At a Church we were visiting, after the night service, the associate pastor prophesied the following:
Travis; you are a man of great faith. There will be an increase in the level of faith you have. You are going to be living outside of what you have already experienced. You will be living beyond your financial and practical ability.
September 1, 2003
I asked the Lord what I was supposed to be doing, as I was feeling so restless with my life in the States.
The Lord asked me to open a book that I had with me; if I should die before I live. I started reading chapter 10 and this stood out to me; “How unexpected at times are God’s leadings... And now they are on their way to Kenya (about the authors’ daughter and her husband). It’s a dry, dusty place. They serve a nomadic tribe whose culture is offensive to any Westerner.
...God knows all about those dark clouds. Yes he does ask us to sacrifice, but there is always more joy bursting through the thunder heads as though those clouds were really just symbols of His glory, like the cloud He used to lead His people three thousand years ago. Life is such an adventure. And God has blessed you with so many things. Take that overflowing cup to that dry, thirsty land and pour it out abundantly. And every evening you’ll discover there is some left for you.”
With this I knew the Lord was saying to get ready for Africa again.
October 18, 2003
After a men’s prayer breakfast, a man came and asked if he could do a prophetic action over me; He grabbed my shirt with both hands and lightly beat my chest. Repeating this over and over he said; ‘this is your breastplate of righteousness can you feel it? God wants you to know it’s there, you are to use it, and the righteous will live by faith.”
October 22, 2003
Romans 1:17 “This good news tells us how God makes us right in His sight. This is accomplished from start to finish by faith. As the scriptures say; it is through faith that a righteous person has life.”
Habakkuk 2:2-4 “Than the Lord said to me; write my answer in large clear letters on a tablet so that a runner can read it and tell everyone else. But these things I plan will not happen right away slowly, steadily, surly the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, wait patiently for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed. Look at the proud they trust in themselves and their lives are crooked, but the righteous will live by their faith.”
Due to lack of space let me jump ahead a bit.
March 6^th 2005
I am so frustrated, there is so much stuff going on Lord. I need clarity! We don’t have anything set up yet, and we’re supposed to leave in 3 months. This does not look good. You seem to keep adding more to the picture, yet we’re still blank. Today I am starting to fast Lord.
March 20^th 2005
Sunday night at a church where one of our good friends was speaking. During worship, we began to sing that song. “Each step I take, I take by faith, I will walk by faith, I put my trust in you.” I just break down weeping. I can’t sing this, this is too hard for me right now. I am still fasting, I am so frustrated!
March 21^st 2005 (morning)
I’m driving to the store and begin praying.
Lord I’m giving this to you, I want to walk by faith, I want to live by faith, and I want to trust in you.
The Lord speaks “What if I want you to go to Rwanda by faith? To walk by faith and worship me there and watch what happens?” I tell the Lord that if that is what he wants for us than so be it. But I really don’t like it! I don’t think it looks good! What do I tell people when asked, oh what are you doing? I have to say I don’t know, I have nothing set up there. None the less if this is what you want ok. I will trust in you!!
March 21^st 2005 (night)
At our friend’s church, the speaker began too talk about having a supernatural increase of faith to trust God for every thing… OK OK God I get the point, I can not do this with out you.
He then laid his hands on everyone to impart in them a boost of faith.
March 22^nd 2005
In the morning as I am preparing to go to work, I feel that I am to end my fast.
That afternoon I get a phone call from Astrid to tell me that we had just received an email from Rwanda with a list of contacts of other missionaries there who can help us answer all our questions.
Wow God you are so good, so awesome, and so weird.

These are just a few journal entries, maybe one day I will use the countless others, perhaps we should just write a book. Ha ha….

All of this to say, that in the beginning there was faith. The Lord had countless times reminded us to trust, have faith, walk by faith, the righteous live by faith, etc. etc.
Did we have a choice? Not if we wanted what God wanted.
So we set out at God’s appointed time for Rwanda, not knowing 100% every thing that was to happen. Upon arrival, I remember are shock, at the cost of living. How could this be? This is not like Kenya… Lord what have you done? How do you expect us to live in a place like this? Land locked (no ports), every thing is trucked in or flown in. It is so expensive!
Once again the Lord reminded us during our time of preparation the things he had tried to drill in to us. Trust in me, have faith, walk by faith not by sight, the righteous shall live by faith.
Ok Lord (I thought) man is this insane.
We are going on what is now our second year here in Rwanda. Yes there have been hard times and there have been good times. But I have yet to see the righteous forsaken or his children begging for bread.
As many of you know, just in the beginning of this month we had stopped our networking with GFR (Global Family Rescue). They had given us a small honorarium each month, which had really helped us too pay our rent. Now….. well……. Let’s say I went back to God again.
You should know by now what he told me.
Deuteronomy 2:7 “The Lord your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your journey through this vast desert. These forty years the Lord your God has been with you, and you have not lacked anything”.
How awesome of a reminder that I lack nothing because of him and him alone, he is watching over my family and me.
It may sound insane but in the end the righteous shall live by faith.
Thank you, God for your awesome provision! I will trust in you!