Do I care or am I calloused??

Oh no it’s time to go to town again, this store, that store, and yet another. Do I have every thing on my list yet? The things I do to save a couple of dollars. Hard pressed, pushing in, let me breath please…. Can I open the door of my car with out climbing over you? No thank you, No thank you, No…., excuse me, pardon me. I hear myself saying these words over and over again.

Street kids on my left, cripples on my right, poor women with their breasts hanging in my face and babies attached to them, in front of me. All of them are crying, AMAFARANGA, AMAMFARANGA(money, money.)
Sorry I say. I can’t get in my car fast enough, this doesn’t help. They just stare at me, tapping on the glass.
Pastor they say, Daddy they cry…Money, Money…. I drive away with a lump in my throat!! The next day, I drive away, and the next, and the next. It is getting easier, or is it?

DO I CARE OR AM I CALLOUSED???

When I first arrived here, I guess you could say that I was moved with compassion. How can you not be?
I gave and I gave money here, food there, water, etc. I thought if I keep this up I am going to need the budget of Bill Gates. I look through God’s word at the many times that it says. “And he was filled with compassion”. Then what did he do? He touched them, healed their sick, taught them, and some times fed them. This is a reality of living here; the poverty is always in your face, pressing you on every side. Some times you wonder if you will ever make a difference or if you at times ever want to leave your house.

I hear Jesus say “you will always have the poor among you”… Then there is that saying, I think it goes like this. “Give a man a fish and feed him for a day, teach him to fish and feed him for a life time”.

Funny how I find comfort in such statements.

So I pray Lord help me to have compassion on those whom I need to have compassion on. Touch those whom I need to touch, teach who needs to be taught, and feed those who need to be fed.

But most of all, Lord let me here your voice and obey.

It’s not that I don’t care and calloused I am not but ministering in a place like this one must be focused.